Another chink in my armor

This Poem isn't anything really great just my thoughts with a little flair to them. I went back and reread the post I put here back on January 22nd and I realize that I've only managed to act on half of what I said back then. Sure I aired my dirty laundry and said "so what" but the fallow through with the "so what" hasn't exactly come along very well. I was talking to a good friend last night and he pointed out that I was letting other things that happened to me define me, not so much what I myself did or didn't do. He told me (in nicer words mind you) to get over myself and stop playing the victim because it was only doing more damage instead of keeping me safe like I thought. I didn't want to hear it but in all honesty he was absolutely right. For the entirety of my teen and adult life I've taken hold of painful things said and done to me and I've held them so close to my heart making this shield. Because of that I haven't been able to really reap all the amazing blessings that God has set around me through all my relationships. Even more than that, because of this barrier that I have managed to erect around myself, I haven't been everything God might have me be to my friends, my clients (I'm an in-home senior care provider), and my family. That is a tragedy and I am taking that next step so that God can use me in whatever capacity He sees fit. Like I said back in January, "I'm done with hiding from the past. The past was the past...the end. I am no longer my past. I am me, now, current. So who cares what happened back then...I don't any more." I am done with the past. I've let it chew on my long enough. So back to the poem. Here is where I was and where I have come to in a nutshell. After that big spiel the poem might be a bit repetitive but here it is anyway.

The Vision and The Truth

A blubbering idiot

that can't stay still or be quiet

A silly child

with fanciful dreams

A whimsical nothing

who would want to try it?

And if they did

they'd just pick up and leave

An uneahling heart

with damage extensive

Wallowing pain

that still knocks at the door

A martyr, a victim

thoughts morbid and pensive

too damaged goods

with a low ranking score

A beautiful child

of a God great and holy

One who is loved

past the smoke screens and scars

An image of truth

that Christs blood cleanses only

A healing redemption

sealing the lies behind bars

Feeling hurt and alone

may be part of this life

A cruelty

None can avoid

But Christ gives His hand

Sets us free from the strife

if we let him

He will keep us from being destroyed

The lesson I've learned

through the talks and the tears

Is to humans

I may not measure up

But my heavenly Father

throughout all my years

loves me

no matter what

So with the heartache I've come upon

and the wrongs I've endured

I can choose

If I let them define me

Or I can pick up the truth

vision no longer obscured

Taking Christ

Leaving the rest behind me