This Blasted Spring!

Spring though in the past has been a beloved season of mine has officially found a very comfortable perch on my bad side. I'm not going to say I hate it over all but it is really messing with my new life that I am trying to make in for myself in the fitness realm. Okay I can almost see a huge "how?" on a few of your faces so let me explain. As some of you know I have asthma that till now I was sure was all sports induced and a bit of second hand smoking well I think its just added one more irritant to its list...spring. I don't know what is coming up this year or maybe I just didn't notice it as much last year but some combination of something during this season this year has got my inhaler practically defeated and its irritating me. Today I struggled to make myself even go to the gym at all and once I was there getting through 30 minutes of jogging felt like an eternity. Its one thing to battle your legs to push through pain or stiffness or just plain laziness and its another thing to try and get your lungs to work harder than they want to. I am resolved in my mind to push through this but my will is fading fast and that is worrisome to me. I gained a few pounds this last week and it was all of my own doing I know but that doesn't help the situation this week any better. I just need to take a deep breath and not let spring be the master of me.

Good Friday

I am writing a series of Poems and I realize I'm a day behind but that's okay, anyway, I wanted to take the focus off of my weight for a moment and reflect on what this coming holiday is all about. Jesus and the love he had for us, enough to die in our place. That is so amazing and something I know I don't think about as often as I should, so I wrote this poem, the first of three.

Good Friday

Salty and bitter

weeping a plea

a rock for an alter

sorrow a sea

Sleeping not vigilant

to slumber they go

forgetting their duties

heads bowing low

Bloody the droplets

perspiring grief

A lamb to the slaughter

a kiss from a thief

Frightened and angered

dispersing they hide

Allegiance to Jesus

Three times one denied

With death on their lips

a crowd screaming blood

the guilty go free

an unworthy flood

Lashes in flesh

Crimson does rain

Mocking is heard

Over screaming and pain

Golgotha the hillside

the mount of the scull

where wretches and sinners

for wrongs pay in full

Nails through the hands

thorns on the head

they watched as the savior

soon would be dead

Face lifted up

chocking on words

The son of God died

among peasants and lords

Its actually Okay

Well today I had a nice solid kick in the pants at the gym. I was expecting to only have lost about a pound this week but you know...I actually gained two. For the first time in my weight battle gaining that two pounds didn't make me totally fall apart. I looked at that 190 and said, "Okay I'll have to work harder this week." and that was that. It was an incredible feeling. Throughout the morning and I was trying to think why I had gained those two pounds and I realized there were several reasons for it. First my working out fell short this week compared to the last few. I was 20 minutes late to my spin class on Monday. On Tuesday I struggled to get through 30 minutes of jogging and even then was on a slower pace than normal. I had to get off the treadmill belt a few times as well. On Wednesday I did my usual routine but I didn't put my soul into it and that is important. Thursday I did okay with my workout but Friday I didn't at all. So as you can see that was one factor for the weight gain. The second reason was my eating. I was eating the sugar free chocolate like nothing else this week. Even if I didn't go over my calorie count the calories I did eat were empty worthless and very bad for me. All of these combined with a splurge at Ihop made for a 2 pound gain but I am not discouraged.

Actually I am kind of glad it happened. With 6 weeks of straight weight loss I was beginning to have the mindset that almost no matter what I was doing I was going to loos weight and that isn't so at all as anyone knows. So this was a good reminder that I have to work hard and work diligently if I am to keep loosing weight. I needed that kick in the pants, that very real reminder that without the constant relying on God I can't do this. I can't get to the health that I want to be at and I can't loose the weight I want to. God has to be my center if it about weight or any other aspect of my life and that 190 glaring back at me today on the scale just reminded me of that. So even with the weight gain I am okay and in a funny way sort of glad for it. I needed that reminder and it has given me a brand new fire to go out and tackle this week with a vengeance.

First time for everything

Yesterday I managed to run 3 miles outside. You wouldn't think it would make much of a difference but running outside is SO much harder than running on a treadmill. It was great though. now I know I could run a 5k! God is good :D

Oh Boy...

Well today I was 20 minutes late to my spin class so I tried to compensate for time lost by really really pushing myself and my body had the last laugh with that one. It started cramping up so badly I had to stop a few minutes early to try and settle it down. Yeah, then I started walking home even though my car was in the parking lot. That can't be a good start to this week. Deep breath, now I embark on a really long week at work. I pray God gives me the endurance to face what I am afraid might be a rather sleepless week as He has done with my running. Don't get me wrong I am glad I have the hours to work. God has provided for me greatly and I'm not trying to complain I'm really not. I'll keep you posted on how everything is going and you know it might not be half as bad as I think its going to be. Lets hope so :D
~Meran~

Oh My Gosh!

I can't write for long but I wanted to post this now that my hands are stable enough to actually type...I just ran three miles!!!! I was running my time on the treadmill and wanted to push for 40 minutes and when I got off I realized I had jogged for three miles!!! I am so excited. And this comes after jogging on the treadmill for ten minutes and having an asthma attack then I took a 5 minute break to get my inhaler and to let my lungs get back to functioning correctly then back on the treadmill I went and I managed three miles!!! so if you ignore the 5 minute break I actually jogged four miles today! Holy cow! It feels amazing!

placing the praise where it belongs

This week has been a good steady week for me emotionally and in every other aspect and for that I am grateful. Last week wasn't so good. I mean don't get me wrong I staid to the diet and I worked my butt off but emotionally I was really sort of all over the place and I don't know why. God had been really showing me his mercy this week with practically killing all my cravings for "bad" food and just giving me the peace I needed to get through this week. He strengthened me to be able to really hit the gym hard and well every day and a good attitude to go with it. I don't think I've been giving Him the praise He deserves in my weight loss success. God is the reason I've made it this far without totally falling off the wagon and gaining all the weight back. God is the reason I have any sort of self control when it comes to food and God is the one who every single day reminds me that I have someone beside me, holding my hand, when no one else can. God is my rock through this journey and I just wanted to remind myself, and you, of that.
~Meran~