But God....!

In the last month and a half I have a done a lot of thinking, re-evaluating, and self examination and let me tell you its been a ride. Not necessarily a fun or pleasant one, but a ride none the less. I have learned so much about me and how I fit into my faith and my life. I have learned to see me more and more how God sees me, and how I have got to trust in Him fully and completely.
All that amazingness brings me to today as I sit here trying to hash out my thoughts clearly enough so its not just a jumbled mess of words showing up on the computer screen. Why is it when you ask God to give you patience He seems to always send something or someone into your life that pushes every boundary of your patience to its limit and then some? Why when you ask God for strength he puts such obstacles in your way it seems there's no way to win? Those questions I have had for a long time and sometimes I ask them more than others but lately the question for me is, why is it when I ask God for peace and a calming of my heart and soul does he put more events in my life that make me worry till I'm sick? I just don't get it. I know there is a reason and I know all the cliche answers, but when you are in it its hard to hear any of that.
I can almost hear the conversation in my head.

"Okay God here is whats going on and here is what I need. Take this away so I can go on with life and so I can feel okay and whatnot. Please God. I really don't understand why this is in my life so just...take it. Please." I sit and wait and then there is a gentle, strong, powerful reply.
"I sent this to make you realize you have to call on me every second of every day. You need to remember that you need me in every aspect of your life."
"But God..."
"You can't just rub the lamp and state your wish and poof...voila there you go." His voice is gentle and beautiful but strong and I can hear a hint of chastising. Does that stop me? no!
"But...but God you said that if I asked..."
"Dearest beloved daughter, I'm not a magic genie. I am your father." His voice gets a little more stern now, "I want what is best for you and I can see the bigger picture. Trust in me and keep coming to me."
"But you said!" I sound like a three year old now and am almost ready to stomp my foot in frustration.
"I said ask and you will receive, yes that is true. Did I say it would be immediate?" His voice is still gentle but now I can hear the reproach a lot more clearly. its like he just stood up out of his throne and took a step towards me, "Did I say you would get exactly what you wanted the way you wanted?"
I shake my head, " No...but..."
"But nothing! Dear, beloved daughter, you MUST trust in me!" His voice booms for a moment then the soft stillness comes back along with a fatherly smile," Trust that I see everything. Trust that I want joy and beauty for you. Trust that I love you more than anyone on the earth, and know that in the end everything will be its best." at this point what can I say to that? he reaches out cupping my face with his hands kissing my forehead then looks me in the eyes. His eyes seem to pierce to my very soul and I tremble, not out of fear but awe.
"Beautiful soul, in the end it will be what is best if you trust in me. You may not understand how what happens can be the best or you may but either way, Daughter, you must believe that I know what I am doing in your life and in the grand scheme of things." He smiles again then lets me go to ponder and reflect.

With that conversation in my mind I step out of the throne room of God and then, seconds later, I start mulling it over and I get right back on my But Why horse! its amazing how dense we as humans can be. Amazingly frustrating is more like it. I don't know how God puts up with it...really I don't.
So today I am learning to go to God every time I need to instead of waiting till it all builds up into a massive explosions of yeah buts. I know that in most ways this is the exact same conclusion that I came to a few days back in my last post. Its a hard lesson to learn and even harder to remember because I want it all right now but like He said...He knows everything and in the end...it will be its best